offseason silliness

My fellow HLOG'er Jordi suggested I make this bit of fun into a full post and I just had to oblige her. Because, making fun of celebrities is always a good time. Adding hockey to it? Double the fun. Then there is the fact that the most searched for items on my blog seem to be "Mike Fisher's girlfriend" or "Jordin Tootoo is hot". Get your mind out of the gutter people! This is a klassy blog.

So, this is pretty much a hockey version of matchmaker, but you need to give at least one valid (ok, it doesnt need to be
valid. In fact, it can be a completely made up) reason why the celebrity and the NHL'er should date. For example:

"Rod Brind'Amour should date Carol Alt since they both love working out, and she can teach him some fashion sense so he never wears an outfit like that to the NHL awards again. Plus, that means she can dump Yashin, hopefully emotionally scarring him enough that he doesnt attempt to play hockey ever again"

Gimme some of your own in the comments.

1) Mike Fisher and Britney Spears. He can show her the way to salvation, and she can show him her...well, I guess anyone can see that on PerezHilton.com. Maybe he can just buy her some underwear?

2) Mike Comrie and Dina Lohan. Both sleazy. And I just have this feeling that Comrie looooves older women. I can just see him in a white silk shirt and a gold chain, taking shots of Malibu with the Orange Oprah.

3) Mike Modano and ANYONE but Willa Ford. I would rather have Mike Modano marry a gorilla. At least they could have an intelligent conversation. Ca-ching! Folks, I'm here all week.

4) Ray Emery and Fergie. It would be flossy. I have to admit, the main reason I made this one up was to be able to say that I used the term "flossy" in a sentence.

5) Dion Phaneuf and Lindsay Lohan. Because I can completely see her in one of those little red t-shirts, flashing the TV and screaming "Let me lick your stick Dion!" at the camera while promoting her newest movie that is targeted at 6-10 year olds.

6) Ed Belfour and Tara Reid. An excerpt of the conversation between them:

Ed: Tara, have you seen my Cialis?
Tara: Oops, I thought they were my Valtrex and I took them.

7) Sean Avery and Star Jones. Can you imagine it? Seriously though, can you? Cause every time I think about it I start to feel like my brain might explode.

8) Mike Keenan and Dr. Ruth. Two words: anger management.

9) Evgeni Malkin and Paris Hilton. It wont be a problem that Malkin doesnt speak English since I sincerely doubt that dating Paris Hilton includes a lot of deep conversation.
NOTE: the author has admirably restrained herself from making any " her mouth would be full anyway" jokes here.

10) And my favorite: Sidney Crosby and Pamela Anderson. They could be nice to pets together and go to PETA meetings (you know Sid has got to have some pet bunnies named Flora and Fauna at home) and Pam could teach Sid about girls. Yes Sid, girls. And no, Uncle Mario never has to know.

Note: apparently I am not the only one getting lots of queries for "naked hockey player" on my blog. Is it wrong that I feel less special?