Wednesday, August 13, 2008

ESPN kinda blows

So the one nice thing about traveling this much for work (well, two nice things -- I just got to spend a weekend in San Francisco), is that I get to watch some TV. I'm not really a huge TV watcher in my normal life (normal life = being home 95% of the time) but spending this much time in hotels and airports means I watch a LOT of TV. And since most hotel TVs give you HBO, 4 channels of ESPN or CNN, ESPN seemed like the best choice. HBO always that Bunny Ranch show on, and while I'm sure plenty of people enjoy it, its not really my thing. CNN just annoys me...Wolf Blizter has got to be the worst fake anchor name of all time.

I stopped watching ESPN a handful of years ago, when they decided beach volleyball and bowling where more important to broadcast then hockey. But even when I stopped watching, I had no idea that it had so completely gone down the tubes. ESPN kinda blows.

Problem 1: They have nothing on hockey. Fine, self explanatory. Its summer, and they really dont cover hockey anyway.

Problem 2: ESPN is like CNN's stepchild. Everything is on loop. Constantly. I started putting ESPN on in the mornings, and in the hour it takes for me to shower, put on make up, and slap some gunk in my hair, they repeat the same news, the same teasers, the same commericals, over and over. Nothing original whatsoever. By the time I left California, I could perfectly imitate Jeremy Schaap's voice saying, "Why Joe Torre isnt upset over Manny being Manny...coming up next". Except it never came up next. They just looped back to same news stories they showed 15 minutes earlier.

And this isnt just on ESPN news...its every ESPN channel. And when they arent busy looping the same news, its either those SportsCenter commercials (can I recommend that they spend less time on the commercials and more time on original programming?) or beach volleyball. Or lacrosse. Or college wrestling.

Problem 3: The jokes. Oh, the jokes. I know the jokes are supposed to be aimed at the audience in some sort of "I mean this ironically but not really if you laugh and no one is as smart as I (an ESPN writer) so even if you dont laugh, I am laughing at you for not laughing" kind of way. Yes, I can discern all that from the smirks on the faces of these anchors when they deliver their not funny jokes. But seriously, stop it with the jokes. It's a little pathetic.

I am moving back to HBO. When they dont have Bunny Ranch on, they have Generation Kill on loop, and at least I kinda like that show. Much better then watching Jeremy Schaap preen at the camera, AGAIN.

PS: I know many of you already came to this conclusion long ago, so pardon me for being a little slower to get there. I really didnt watch it until the past couple months or so and I'll probably never watch it again. Until I am in an airport next week.