After reading this article, I think I actually like the Staal brothers, instead of just assuming that they are cloned robots with limited speaking ability. I mean, getting arrested at your bachelor party is pretty epic. How could I not find myself warming to them?
According to a statement released by the Cook County Sheriff's office, after the Sheriff's office received complaints about "screaming, yelling and playing loud music," the group of about 20 was warned "multiple times" before it was ordered to leave the resort by Sheriff's deputies, a Minnesota State Patrol trooper and a U.S. Border Patrol agent at 3 a.m. Saturday.
"After leaving the property, the group gathered on Highway 61 and began harassing passing motorists," the Sheriff's office said, at which point 14 members of the group were arrested at approximately 4 a.m.
"I have no doubt there were probably a couple kids lipping off or something like that," Curran said. "Frankly, that goes with the territory. You get that many a group of kids together, somebody is going to say something stupid."
In addition to Staal, 22, his younger brother Jordan, 18, and a number of his cousins were arrested as well. Jordan Staal, who just finished his rookie year with the Pittsburgh Penguins, was also charged with consumption of alcohol while under 21 years of age.
First of all, who the hell has their bachelor party in Minnesota when they make millions playing hockey? I'd have flown my robot cousins to Las Vegas, where we could have partied in style. And by party in style I mean break out the blue velvet tuxes and drunkenly proclaim their love for cows because what else do you date when you live on a farm in Canada? With any luck, Eric or Jordan would have married a stripper named Dropit Likeits-Hot, and that would have been an even better news story during the off season.In conclusion, your true crime was cheapness Eric Staal! And you deserve to be arrested for that.